When I KNOW that there is nothing really wrong beyond the normal stresses of living. When I KNOW that life is not really terrible and sad and difficult right now. When I KNOW that everything I am feeling is simply being blown out of proportion because the chemicals in my brain are on a regularly scheduled (Dr's orders) freak-out thanks to the hormone pills I take. Well then, then I get mad because I can't get myself to move past it and accept events rationally. I start to cry over something small and then I get angry, and try to stop. And I can't, which makes me more upset, and I start to feel like I'm temporarily crazy. My mind is sane and my emotions are not. I am losing control of myself and it scares me.
I remind myself that this is "natural" in a sense. A woman's hormones shift, and for a while she just feels crazy. And for a little while that helps me to sort myself out and maintain equilibrium. Until the next thing happens, like.... I was frazzled and jumped out of the car without grabbing the gym bag or kissing my boyfriend goodbye. The gym bag is not really a big deal, the lack of goodbye kiss sucks and I feel bad for not giving him the attention he deserves. (plus a kiss would really have been nice.) But it's nothing to cry about and be miserable over.... Yet there go the waterworks all over again.
I never had problems like this when I was younger, and I wondered why some women felt like they couldn't even get out of bed. I get it now ladies, you're not going crazy it just feels that way and staying in bed where you can be calm and behave is soooo much nicer and better than trying to get through a day of interaction while feeling like you can't even function.
On top of the inner insanity, life decided to actually dump extra drama into the mix as well. So now there really isn't capacity to cope. Ugh! Just two more days after this. Two more days til normality..... I can make it.
- Current Mood: depressed
- Current Music:Swing Life Away ~ Rise Against
Karen: Wax use wax.
David: They have rehab clinics for that.
Me: Rehab for nasal alien invasions?
David: I mean...if it's a recurring problem. And if they don't, they really ought to. The way I see it, it's a fifty-percent thing. One should at least reflect upon what has done to become vulnerable to nasal alien invasions.
Me: Well any human is vulnerable to them, unless you plug your nose up every night before you sleep they have an open avenue. But if you did plug your nose, then you'd have to sleep with your mouth open to breathe, and once again they have an in. So really the best measure is to take a good steamy hot shower right when you wake up and then blow your nose really well several times to make sure you eject and would be invaders. Measures like this have allowed me to be infestation free for nearly 28 years.
Me: Though.... I suppose the folks who have tubes in their nose for oxygen are relatively safer. They can sleep with their mouths closed and their noses are blocked by the tubes thus denying the aliens entrance to their brains. Which is good for them, because when you're on an oxygen feed it is rather difficult to be able to blow your nose a lot.
Adrian: Hahahahahaha..., oh Noel
Me: Can you deny my logic? :P
David: All I'm saying is that when you hang out in strange galaxies, you take your chances.
Karen: I have a towel.
Me: What are you talking about strange? The inner dreamworks of my mind are exceedingly familiar to me.
David: I will have to remember that you exist in a different space then the rest of us. Your world is not limited by the same banal constraints.
Me: Oh of course not. Where is the fun in that?!
Later…. David: Oh, now that is wrong. Taking my juice box away is like a civil rights violation or something.
*shrugs* The juice box was not my fault.
- Current Location:Tipperary.
- Current Mood: silly
- Current Music:Pardon Me ~ Incubus
First off I have to say thank you to all the friends and family who helped me get ready for the show. My Mom provided wonderful advice, and gave her time when I didn't have any to help me find suppliers and pick out logos and guided me through so many of the little details that would have slipped right past me. My best friend Vega gave up lunch breaks and days off to run errands for me and make countless trips to Hobby Lobby and Michael's with me. (Thank you for braving that rank cinnamon spray with me.) Also thanks Miss Ty for being kind enough to give me a place to stay and transportation when I popped up to Austin for the Pre-show. I really couldn't have managed that trip without you. And to ALL of my friends from BC, and RAW and FB who encouraged and supported me the past two months and before. :D
The trip itself was great thanks to Vega and My sister. Car rides are never boring with the two of them, and oooh it was a spectacular gloomy rainy night going through trees and I am sure there were all sorts of secret fae things lurking in the shadows around us. I was a bit sad that it was so sunshiney on our way home.
The show itself was a thrill. I was tired and squished and footsore by the end of the night but it was all worth it! I met several other great artists, made some sales, gained a ton of experience and just had fun!! My table was right on the open glass wall that looked out to the outdoor stage. So I got to hear all of the live music while still tending to my table. I didn't get away long enough to see really see a lot of the other artists work, but I'll make sure to do it next time.
My sister was an amazing help there as well. She helped me set up my table, found gorilla glue when one of my masks attempted suicide. When she wasn't watching my table she was with my models offering help with hair and make-up if needed. And also was zipping around just helping random people who flitted by needing assistance. So happy you could be there Kiddo. :)
Vega was my other hero that night. He got us there, and then cut his hang out time with our friend Tania (Got to see her for the first time in about six years that night. It was great!) short so he could fight his way through traffic (uphill both ways) to get the dress that was forgotten at the hotel. He also brought food to prevent fainting spells, took two sick friends home and still came back to get me after the show. You ROCK!!!
Nikki and Dot were at the table next to me, it was so nice to have friendly faces close by! And a neighbor I knew I could trust. ;) And Nikki gave me such great advice about catching photographers and media folk and getting their info so I can be sure to get in touch later. Thank you Dollface!
I also had wonderful models from Zephyr Talent and Butterfly Entertainment. Ray from Zephyr was also kind enough to be the make-up and hair stylist for the models and myself (loved the hairdo she gave me). And they all showed my work off wonderfully. The pictures they took in my pieces are magnificent! And they rocked the runway!!! We got sent up first! Which of course had my stomach doing flip-flops, especially as we never really did a run through before the show. But they all nailed it, and I heard the crowd cheering so loudly while they walked that I still get all tingley when I think about it. And I must admit, I loved getting to walk the stage myself at the end of it. I'm a bit of a sucker for the spotlight. ;)
Thank you as well to all the great photographers who shared their spectacular pictures of my models and jewelry. You are all great, and I am just pleased as punch with the pictures!!! :D I hope to see y'all the next time I come to Austin.
Oooh I also need to say thanks to our excellent DJ that night, I ran out of music before I ran out of models walking and she just re-looped it and kept it going without a hitch. So a huge thank you to DJ Kay Cali in Austin!!
I have to say many thanks to the lovely ladies who were running the show. Meghan and Christina took care of all of us and made it such a fun and easy night. Thank you again for choosing to feature me at Discovery! So glad for the chance to work with y'all and I can't wait to do it again. I'll see you in San Antonio soon!
I only sold three pieces that night, but that's ok. Each one of them ended up with someone who really loved them, and it was so great seeing people find their piece. One lady kept switching between two masks trying to decide, while her husband told her how pretty they each looked on her. She picked my cutest one and asked me to sign it for her. :D Another lady stopped by and fell in love with one necklace. She tried to walk away and deny the connection but she couldn't resist. She soon returned and this time when she left, there was a lovely three tiered piece of happiness around her neck. The third went to Christina, one of the show directors. She asked to borrow a piece to wear during the show because her neck felt so bare. I let her choose one and by the end of the show she was saying she had to take it home. She told me later that she wore it for three days straight because she liked it so much!
All three of these are just the sort of stories I had hoped would surround my work. Someone found one of my creations that they loved. That is the perfect fulfillment of my dreams as a jewelry maker. So for me, it was a definite success. :D
There was only one sad note that night. My Daddy was sick and that prevent my parents from going to my first show. I missed them, and wished they could have been there. I know they wanted to be there too, and I definitely know they were sending lots of love and encouragment from home. They also have both been so kind and supportive ever since I started making jewelry, and encouraged me to keep at it and get better. I doubt I would have been anywhere near good enough for a show without them. Thank you so much Mommy and Daddy!!!
AAANNND I think that is it.... Thank you again to EVERYONE!!!!!
- Current Location:Not my comfy bed. :(
- Current Mood: sick
- Current Music:Trigun Soundtrack
So I am ok again, for now. I am about to have to make another investment of boxes, bags, labels, etc for my show. And of course quite a few of these supplies will be left over and available for other events and such. So really the cost as a whole is not bad.... it is just the initial payment for all of it that makes me heart do strange acrobatics in my chest.
BUT! There is also the possibility that While I might spend 600 or more just getting to the show I also have the prospect of selling 1000 or more while there. A 400 dollar profit in one night wouldn't bother me too very much.
So! focus on the good in this. And don't let your heart explode when you see the bill for the supplies. *EEP*
Here's something pretty. Have a look.
- Current Location:East of the Sunset
- Current Mood: calm
- Current Music:Turn on Billie, by The pierces
The prices for all of these items are really reasonable at the places I have found. But as anyone who has ever done a craft/art/etc show knows, even reasonably priced items can stack up on you. And while I am not poor, I still live off the college student mentality of eating ramen because it is only 10 cents a pack.
This entire event is very exciting, but also very nerve making. Hopefully everything will work out and when it is over I can have a drink and crash out from nerve exhaustion with my pockets full of sold jewelry, a.k.a. money. :D
If anyone is in Austin, check out www.RAWartists.org/austin/discovery It's gonna be a really fun night and every ticket you buy under my name (or someone else's) goes to help that artist pay their fees for the show.
- Current Location:An undisclosed bunker on the Phillipines.
- Current Mood: anxious
- Current Music:It's Not Easy Being Green.
But lo! Hope rises! https://www.etsy.com/listing/787898
In other news, I am now trying to split my mind between creating and prepping. This is my frist show, so I have no leftover supplies from a previous show, no sellers that I know/trust/prefer to order from. I'm flying slightly blind and just doing my best to cover any bases I can tell will be there. Current task is finding and ordering pretty bags/boxes to packs my items in. That shouldn't be too hard... right?
- Current Location:Left of next Friday.
- Current Mood: busy
nbsp;I have often envied the authors that I enjoy reading. They are psychic beings, omniscient of all that their characters do and feel. I was always somewhat awestruck at the writer’s ability to see so clearly into the minds of so many people at once. The logical portion of my brain would constantly remind me that it was obviously a matter of course for the writer to know the thoughts of their own creations, but that never diminished my admiration for their skills, nor for the strange power that ink seemed to grant over the people dwelling in a worLd made from wood pulp.
The magic of it comes, I think, from a good writer’s ability to not control what the character does or says. I have very often seen or heard authors make mention of struggles with their work because the characters weren’t doing what was wanted or expected of them. I once thought that such statements were simply euphemistic of writer’s block or not being sure of what they wanted to do with the story. That is not true as I have since learned. Sometimes it is necessary to stop writing so that you can take the time to get to know your characters better before being able to proceed with recording their histories.
Any story is a history, you know. No matter how swiftly a person’s pen may move, their actors have already done what is being recorded. And there again is the magic and amazement of an author’s power. The author sees at once the thoughts, plans, and actions of every piece on the chessboard. These pieces, rather than waiting their turn, will all move at once. The writer, then, is tasked not only with recording each move but also organizing their progression so that readers may follow along.
A person’s story is like their own thoughts, familiar and intimate and requiring only a few lines to convey the entirety of an epic’s happenings. Here is where the author’s omniscience becomes difficult. Seeing and knowing all that goes on in the lives and minds of those in the story leaves one free to court all of the myriad tangents, possibilities and red herrings that present themselves along the way. And which can only be perceived by someone who knows what is about to happen. This causes, a thousand times over, the need to check oneself. To prevent the insertion of a detail that would render, all too soon, clarity to the mysterious mind of a man’s opponent.
The term "composition" is a powerful one, a tool that stretches across every field of art. Used to shift and recreate pieces and even whole bodies of work in defiance of all alchemical rules. A writer wields this tool with the mastery and care of a surgeon. Too much pressure here, too little precision there and he will cripple or destroy the man he is both creating and meeting as he goes along.
Patience, precision and above all a supreme knowledge of who one’s character is, and how they think are all crucial to writing a good story. This self-knowledge is what draws me most of all to writing. I have always been the type to try and decipher the what, why, and how of both my own and others’ thoughts and actions. And a character comes from within the self. Even those based on another individual are filtered through the lens of personal perception. And thus a story is an analysis, it is a chance for the writer to examine and flesh out all of the puzzles and curiosities in their own mind.
They say that self-analysis is one of those things that a person should never do. But isn’t that the core of writing, to expose and examine the myriad facets of the mind, both desirable and ugly? This process creates a circle, turning the omniscient into the explorer, and the one who knows all must at the same time discover as much as they can to maintain that knowledge. And this must be done for every single character. Every person placed in that world is under the hand of the author, and thus the author must pour every ounce himself into each character simultaneously in order to maintain the life he has breathed into the paper. It is an exhausting, frustrating, but often satisfying task.
I am still in awe of a good writer’s psychic ability, because now I know how much is required to possess it.
- Current Location:Hidden
- Current Mood: mellow
- Current Music:Sweet Afton by Nickel Creek
So, let's see. I last posted in August of 2011. Since then I spent several more months at a job that made me miserable. Luckily I got fired. The manager hated my guts, and had been looking for an excuse to get ride of me since she took over. It was a shock and upsetting at first, mainly because I had never been fired before and I was worried about money. Looking back though, it has proven to be a wonderful, wonderful thing.
Nowadays I work for a temp agency and I get to spend shorter spans of time at various companies and explore all sorts of job fields. I love it! After spending years in one customer service job after another I am now at a place where I get my own office, receive no phone calls and never, ever, ever see a customer at all. Anyone who has dealt with a person calling multiple times and yelling at you because their T.P. holder jiggles will understand how delightful this is to me.
I am just ten days away from the first anniversary of losing that horrible job and in that time I have sadly been unable to pursue my photography as much as I want due to a broken camera, but on the upside a new passion has emerged. Jewelry. Making jewelry in fact. It started two years ago when I made a necklace as a Christmas gift for a friend, then a month or two later I took pieces of a broken necklace of mine and made them into a new one (Still one of my favorites).
From there it became a minor hobby that I used to distract me from work stress. I had no car, so I would have to spend my lunch breaks in the back room and really never had an escape til I went home at night. So I would bring my supplies with me and make something. When I'm crafting I can ignore or forget everything else around me. Having that escape was a lifesaver at the time, but it was also a budding joy and passion. While I was between jobs I had more time than ever to create, and create I did and have ever since.
So nowadays I sit at work in a job I don't loathe and enter data with my fingers while my mind creates more and more ideas for necklaces, earrings, masks, even paintings sometimes. And when I go home, I make dinner and plop myself down at my cluttered kitchen table to work on who knows what pretty thing.
To me, it is a good life. And it's only getting better. The day after Christmas last year, I got the email that I had been accepted to do a RAW showcase (RAWartists.com it you don't know what that is.) So, come Feb 21st my very first art show ever will be www.RAWartists.com/austin/discovery. I cannot even begin to say how excited and happy I am about this, it is an actual dream come true and I hope only the beginning of bigger and better things to come. If I could start making a living from my jewelry I would be a happy happy lady.
If you're interested you can see more of my work at www.bluecanvas.com/Morraha and purchase it at www.etsy.com/shop/MorrahaDesigns
- Current Location:A secret.
- Current Mood: cheerful
And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know. My weakness I feel I must finally show.
Forgetting the world, forgetting my life, forgetting it all when you’re around me. No...that isn’t right, I don’t forget, I ignore. I close my eyes to what exists, to what is real and there in front of me. Letting myself sink into a dream world where everything is just peaches and cream and all the bad things don’t actually have any affect.
Closing my eyes to what is in front of me. My life is spiraling downward into chaos, which of course I ignore because my fantasy is far more enjoyable. But oh my love I can’t keep this up. My life is falling apart around me. Cracking through even the deepest tallest walls I have built to isolate myself. If this lasts much longer I won’t. I’ll be gone soon.
Lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all, but lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall.
Be my friend and I’ll carry you to the skies, I’ll be there no matter what and I’ll always have your back. But fall for me, try to give me your heart, and I’ll shatter it into a thousand pieces. It’s how I work. I am not capable of caring for the heart of another. I can’t even care for my own, why else do you think I am always looking for someone to hold it for me? Someone else to be responsible for the care of it instead of stepping up and growing up and doing it myself.
Gah I’m such a fuck up some times.